Before I really get started, I want to say a huge thanks to Ghost. I see you've been reading my posts and commenting and I really appreciate you're support. I've been trying to respond to you but for some reason my responses never go through, so I'm gonna say it here. Thanks a billion!
And my topic today is about identity. I'm slowly starting to figure out that these goals I have aren't necessarily about having others see me accurately, as I had originally thought. As I go through these changes in diet, attitude, and maturity I see that I'm actually starting to change. I'm seeing new sides of me I haven't seen before that I don't really know what to do with because they're so different from who I usually am! I don't know if I've stuck to trying to lose weight for this long. I can't say I've ever been so motivated to do something in my life. And those previously mentioned demons have me pushing even harder then ever. I see all of this new me when I go for my walks and I have time to just think.
When I went on my walk today (almost a freaking jog with my pace these days) I kept looking for new motivation to go just a little bit faster, and a little bit harder (walk hard?), and I found myself looking to necessity and my heritege. Necessity wise is simple eough; I saw it was time for me to be strong for my friends and return the favors that they've done for me. That was reason enough to push through these changes I'm making. But my family's history is perhaps the strongest driving force I have in the designing process for the new me. My family has done everything, and I force myself to be strong to honor their successes. My great uncle, Corporal Harlond Block, was one of the fighters at Iwo Jima that was a part of the famous flag raising after days of brutal fighting. My aunt was among the first women to graduate from Texas State with a degree in Technical Science (I think that's what her major is called). These are two examples of people perservering. My family was German royalty in the 1800's! My family is a part of the Cherokee Nation. My family, on my dad's mother's side (another iffy statement) can trace her roots back to the Mayflower and her family's name can even be found on the Mayflower compact. Or, so rumor has it. It wouldn't be that hard to imagine that my family could easily have been involved in every major war our nation has been a part of. I know I have several family members fighting for their country right now, and that drives me even more. The point I'm trying to get across, is that I'm trying to find a new future for me to grab hold of, but I find myself being motivated by those people in my family who were motivated to do that very same thing.
To know where you're going, you have to know where you've been. I don't even know what I'm capable of yet once I get myself truly motivated. I've seen myself to some pretty cool things. I'm not being arrogant or prideful. I'm being honest. I've done awesome things, but I also know I've not met my standards plenty of times before now. I know I'll figure out more of my identity through the accomplishments of these goals. But until I learn to put in a 110% effort in everything I do, I'll just be another stranger to even myself.
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